Found this

I love when I rediscover things I've written. It's as though I didn't write it, but I did so I can still alter it to my perfection. This wasn't titled and I haven't come up with a title so it's untitled for now.

I want to forget you
Go back to the day before I met you
Every muscle to lose its memory
To forget it ever missed it
So it's as if you never existed

How do I undo us?
Or what ever this was
Call it lust.

It couldn't have been love
If it was, was it lost?
Why did we not get lost with it?
or in it, however it is people in love are apt to wander

Maybe we were too found in love we stopped trying
Too ground in love for it to pull us under
Too much something to keep searching the way the lost might quest for the way home

Home, where the heart is
We missed. You're missed.
You mistook me for the type of woman that might stay despite your flaws apparent
For a moment, though I was.
For a moment as I loved with my eyes shut.

---

Not too sure if I'm done yet. I feel like maybe there should be a resolution but maybe its fine the way it is? I think that's why I forgot about it. I forgot that I needed to add an ending but what better ending than one without resolution. Nothing in life is wrapped as pretty as my poems tend to be. That being said I still feel like something is missing.

Thought Catalog Submission

I decided to submit my piece, Remember Me, to ThoughtCatalog.com because I think I can write like they can. With my own style and pizzazz of course. So they asked me to tell them something interesting and this was the interesting thing I came up with. Comments? 

STITCHES!!!

Okay. I've been trying to find something to say other than LMAO or LOL. Honestly, it's getting lame. Here are some reason's why.

1. No one really LOL's or LMAO's anymore. I was sitting right next to someone as they texted LOL to someone and not once did I actually hear laughter emit from said person's mouth. LIAR!
2. I catch myself on the verge of actually saying LOL. Like it was a word. I was going to say it with a smile on my face instead of actually laughing. PATHETIC!!
3. I have to think. As in, I just typed out LOL/LMAO but did I really just LOL or am I just trying to insinuate that had we been near each other I would have LOL'd. Yeah. I think too much AND WHAT!!!!
4. I hate all the new abbreviations that I have to keep abreast of. It's getting really hard to have to figure out what all that crap means! Just say what you mean!!

I mean, no shiz* Sherlock, people are increasingly difficult to discern. No one says what they actually mean anymore. Trying to figure you out as a person is difficult enough and now I have to figure out your strange stuck as a teenager language code? BULL!! I absolutely refuse. It was fun when I was in high school and I didn't want my parents to understand what I was saying but NOW I want people to understand me and vice versa. Furthermore, I'd like to not have to decipher your hieroglyphs. SPELL CHECK! I know it fails often but that's why yoU have a brain as well. To double check the double checker you lazy bum!

Enough hating for now. All that's left to say is: STITCHES

Really if somethings that funny I'm sure it'll leave me in stitches! Get it?!?! Whatever. At least it's not an abbreviation and if I find myself keeling over in laughter then I'll know it actually left me in stitches and I can confidently remark stitches!!!


*That's me trying not to cuss, it's a terrible habit that I've acquired and I'm trying to tone it down.

Held back

What's been holding me back lately?

OH. You know. The usual. ME. Myself and that oh so clever I!!

I mean, there are outside factors getting in the way but if I really wanted to I could circumvent them and get a move on with my life. If I've created time enough out of my ass to hang out with my cousins this much; I can pull time out of my ass to send my resume out there into the world and call people up to make sure it was received. You know, things people normally do when they really need to find a job.

Sigh... So, task at hand? Set up a schedule and a plan to accomplish my goals.

DIFFICULT when there are so many DAMN distractions.

Persephone

This isn't done yet. I'm still working on it but I really like it and I've been dying to type it up and share it with you all!! I'll keep working on it till I'm in love, but for now I have a really big poetic crush on it!! =D ENJOY!

Pancake

I'm watching Maury and ... WHO names their kid Pancake? WTH!!!

I'm bored... I need to get myself a job already.

Ain't nothing

So I wrote this back in 2005. I think that's when my struggle to really become comfortable with myself began. This may sound silly to most people but low self esteem isn't an issue that should be belittled. Just because it's easy to ignore and it doesn't obviously disrupt peoples lives doesn't make it any less of an issue than say anorexia. How do you think those girls develop such a horrible disease in the first place? It starts with self esteem and self worth. It's hard to find it in yourself when no one else is giving you reason to believe you're worthy of loving yourself. I've always had good self worth BUT, self esteem is something I've always struggled with. This was one of my first steps in completely accepting myself, every part of myself.

Bored!!!

Sooo.... when I'm bored.... and I'm at work... and I ate already and therfore feel no need to buy food.... I shop. Which is bad. It's a horible habit realy but still it exist.

LOOK AT MY PRETTY NEW EARRINGS!! <3

Sadly though, they set my ears on fire!! I'm highly alergic to fake metals ad these ARE NOT sterling silver. My ears = fire!! But I love these earrings!! Sigh.

One more habit to fix.

Terrible. Simply terrible.

Waiting for Plopper

Sooo.... I'm just chilling reflecting on my day bc my cousin abandoned me in the theatre as we wait for Harry Potter to start. And despite not having really done much this was a fairly eventful day, from 6:30am to now 11:47pm. Or maybe no? I just realized how long my day has been...

630am Arrive at my lola's. Chat with my cousin about life and relationships. Breakfast from McDonald's.
915am Cousin leaves me alone with my lola. Chat with my lola about life and chismis, which basically means talk about people.
11am Physical therapy for my Lola
12pm Go to the main hospital for a swallowing test so she eat again. PASSED IT! =D
230pm Finally put back into her room.
3pm CURRY HOUSE =)
5pm Feed the Lola
6pm KILL BILL. Freaking love the cinematography of that movie, and the acting and I just love that movie.
7pm Leave cousin with my Lola so that I can get ready for Plopper.
8pm Arrive at the prayer gathering but they're not ready so...
845pm ish Cousin and I leave to get to the theatre and wait in line for not too long because my friends had been there already. YAY FRIENDS!
10pm Theatre food
1045ish I'm abandoned
1210 PLOPPER!

Somewhere in there a paramedic was hitting on me and I didn't even realize it until I overheard his conversation with his partner. WHOOPS! Then there was some conversation on the side too with another nurse. Guys need to learn to be more OBVIOUS! Not blatantly obvious but if a girl just isn't getting it, try something else to show your interest. I would've gave him my number if he asked. We held a steady conversation for a good hour or so and it not often you can find enough common ground to keep a stranger interested in you for a whole hour. Or at least its not often a stranger can keep me intrigued for more than an hour. ERGO, props to him and he should have tried harder! WHOMP!

Blogger app!

Yay! Blogger app!!

I really shud use this page too... my thoughts have been all a jumble recently and I'm geting super side tracked. I think I need to really decide what the difference between this spot n the other spot should be. N if I want to switch this to a diff spot that I made previously... idk... but more importantly figure out what's what... yep!

Adventures

I want to separate my blogs but I don't know if I have the discipline to have 2 blogs. If one is dedicated to poetry I can keep that up no prob bob. but the other one. about dating failure... Not so sure especially since I'm not dating! We'll see where the road takes me.

On Staying

Hey. Remember when I said I loved you, and I lied. I swear I didn’t mean it; the lie, not the love. I fully intended to love you. I went through all the emotions. Forced myself to feel the pains but it seems my love was lame. As in lying broken and defeated.

Somehow, through all the lies your love was true. I could see it running deep in you. I wanted to run to it too but I ran from it. You scared the bejesus out of me getting down on one knee proposing that we should marry. How unfair would that be? You loving all of me.

I guess I didn’t love you see, I loved you like: get your ass out of bed. I can’t date a fool and your mom is breathing down my neck because you haven’t graduated yet.

I should have loved you like: Stay, stay. Don’t you ever go away. I want our future to always bet his way.

Ugly Duckling Syndrome

UDS


You are so hot! Is not something I hear very often. I heard it a lot as a kid followed by my mom telling me I was running a fever. I hear cute, a lot. You are so cute! Is annoying, because some woman is simultaneously pinching your cheeks; which by the way, I hate. Yes, they are chubby. Yes, its cute. No, they are not public property, don't touch me.

Cute, is also what a guy says when you're not 'pretty'. Thank God I'm a bitch because I'd hate to be nice. We all know what nice means. No one wants to say it out loud but 'nice' means - actually I don't want to be the to say it out loud either. It's like one step down from cute and cute isn't that much of an upgrade. It goes: nice, cute, pretty, hot and sexy I think is in it's own little category right because you can be cute and sexy. Then theres all the other rankings and combinations, but if I had to break it down into classes those would be mine.